randomly theJRT

Do we want to know?

2009-06-10T12:06:00.002-04:00

So... 2% Milk.

What is the other 98% if it's not milk?

Kinda makes you wonder...

I think it's true...

2009-06-09T22:12:00.003-04:00

Did you ever think...

"I wonder if all of the Speed Limit signs are invisible...

... and only I can see them!"

I did.

new name

2009-05-26T19:20:00.002-04:00

When I started randomosity, I thought I was being unique. Different. Unusual. Apparently like 50 billion people use the term "randomosity" in their blogs (may or may not be a slight exaggeration). I've decided the rename the blog, randomly theJRT.

Theoretically, I will begin to post more and share things that are randomly me. You know, the things that made me start this blog in the first place. But this is all theoretical. I'm just not ready to pull the plug on this site. And I'm definitely not ready to Twitter with the rest of the world. Tch!

bruised and broken

2009-04-22T21:31:00.003-04:00

The other night at work, I got beat up...

By a display fixture!

Someone thought it would be a good idea to place a display fixture that has a round base up on a very high shelf... and lay it on its side!

I don't want to insult your intelligence, but... round rolls. In case you were wondering.

So, yah... the fixture rolled off the top shelf and smacked my arm on its way down. It left a mark. As you can see.

longing for Spring

2009-03-02T18:18:00.004-05:00

So I'm sitting in my bedroom... freezing. And I wonder why. So I check weather.com just to see if there may be a reason for my shivering. And this is what I saw:

It should not feel like -1°F! I want Spring!!

O... and I hate how they add that happy little sun picture and write "Sunny" like that's supposed to help you feel better! Tch!

today is SAD

2009-02-14T17:11:00.007-05:00

Happy Unimaginative, Consumerist-Oriented and Entirely Arbitrary, Manipulative and Shallow Interpretation of Romance Day!

money-less money holder

2009-01-27T15:26:00.001-05:00

I need a new wallet.

But i hate the idea of spending money for something that is supposed to hold money...

the BirthWeekend post

2009-01-17T13:17:00.002-05:00

Today is my BirthDay, but last night the 2nd Annual BirthWeekend Celebration began. (You can read about the 1st Annual BirthWeekend here) My friends forced me to wait until Midnight to open my present because they know I'm not the most patient person in the world... and quite frankly, they enjoy torturing me. But let me tell you-- this present was worth the wait! I truly have the best friends in the world! I love them!!

This is how my present began:

Just a ball of birthday party streamers... all wound into a ball with a Mickey Mouse sticker and instructions to "Open Here -->" (I was also given verbal instruction that I was not allowed to tear it apart... I had to unwind it)

As I started to unravel this rather heavy ball of party streamers, I discovered that little objects had been taped to the inside. About every inch or so.

There were all sorts of fun surprises... money (coins and paper money!), chocolates (Dove Promises and Hershey Kisses), little Twix candy bars (my favorite), Pens & Pencils (all related to Bob), randomly placed Mickey & Friends stickers, etc. I had so much fun unwrapping my present. It was definitely a unique gift and one that I will remember forever. I seriously love my friends. Love them!

story time with theJRT

2009-01-10T19:06:00.001-05:00

Once upon a time... because these stories only happen once-- there was a boy. We'll call him LilRedHoodieGuy (because Little Red Riding Hood was already taken… tch!)

And one day, LilRed decided he was going to go visit some random dying (wealthy) relative in a last-chance effort to earn himself a little inheritance money.

You see, LilRed was what we call "underprivileged."

On his way to Rich Random Relative's house, LilRed saw some pretty flowers. So LilRed walked over to the pretty flowers...

and stepped on them.

Stupid flowers.

LilRed continued to walk down the forest path, humming a cheery little tune... in B-flat minor.

(Now you're probably expecting to hear something about a wolf right about now. Wrong story.)

When LilRed arrived to Rich Random Relative's house, he felt most unwelcomed. (Mostly because Rich Random Relative's butler had quite literally kicked him out the front door.)

This disturbed LilRed greatly.

How was LilRed going to "get rich quick" if he couldn’t even get inside?

So, LilRed did what any sensible boy would do.

He killed the butler.

At last, LilRed was granted an audience with his dear dying Rich Random Relative. Rich Random Relative made very poor attempts at being courteous and hospitable and it became clear to LilRedHoodieGuy that Rich Random Relative had no intentions of offering an inheritance to LilRed.

So once again, LilRed did what any sensible boy would do... he forged a new will and killed his dear already-dying Rich Random Relative (after all, he was merely a Random relative... not a Close one).

And let's not forget- although blood is thicker than water, money can buy happiness! Or, at least LilRedHoodieGuy was going to try!

The End.

the new tv has arrived

2009-01-02T21:03:00.002-05:00

We finally got the new family TV. It's beautiful. I don't really have more to say... I mean, the picture speaks for itself.

kids are pretty smart

2008-12-23T22:23:00.003-05:00

Hmm...

Is that okay?!

Neil brings up a good point.

happy day of thanx!

2008-11-27T22:14:00.003-05:00

Have a happy Day of Thanx! I had my mom's pumpkin pie. I'm happy. It's the only pumpkin pie I'll eat. O... and I had turkey, too. I gave thanx. You should too. It's good to give thanx. (I may or may not be bored right now) (And slightly rambling) (In case you haven't notice)

I voted!

2008-11-04T15:37:00.005-05:00

I voted today... like every eligible American should.

And apparently I do look younger than I really am! (Yay not looking old!)

I went to turn in my completed ballot, when the guy asked me, "Is this your first time?"

I was slightly taken aback and replied, "no..." After he gave a quizzical look, I quickly added, "Actually, I'm 27."

His response almost made me laugh: "O, I thought you were one of those young first-time voters!" I love it when people think I'm still young!

and we thought oatmeal was healthy...

2008-10-06T16:53:00.004-04:00

Here we thought, "oatmeal is healthy... these must be good for you." These are so oily and fattening and artificial that you have to wonder if there really is any oatmeal in them. And if there is, is there any nutritional value left in the oatmeal? Just food for thought...

I don't get it...

2008-09-27T23:30:00.001-04:00

Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them o'er your shoulder like a continental soldier?
Do your ears hang low?

I always thought this was a weird song...

drum roll, please...

2008-08-29T17:00:00.004-04:00

I may be falling in...

(details coming soon)

UPDATE: I fell in! YAY! Ok, now for the really long story...

Continuing my fruitless Job Hunt after the Disney Store closed in June, I noticed that new job listings had been posted on the mall's website, so I decided to go there one evening and pick up a few applications from stores on that list. While at the mall, applications in hand, I approached the Gap (which was not on the website's list) and decided just to stop in and look for a bit. When I walked in, I saw a sign that said "Now Hiring" and the lady at the counter saw me looking at the sign and noticed the applications I had in my hand and asked, "would you like an application?" Of course, I said "yes, please." She went on to say that she was the hiring manager and we chatted briefly. Well, I took the application home, set it on my desk...

So almost an entire week later, I went back to the mall with the completed Gap application-- hoping they were still looking. It was Thursday evening, August 28 (to be exact). When I got there, the manager who had given me the application was there and she remembered talking to me and after barely glancing at the application asked if I could come back for an interview... the next day! So I had my first interview with the Gap on August 29, the day I posted the original "details coming soon" post. The interview went very well. At the end of the interview, the manager mentioned that they have a two-interview process and that they needed to contact my references before setting up the second interview. Being Labor Day weekend, she said it may be a few days before I get the call to schedule the second interview.

It ended up being an entire week! But, they finally called back. I went to the second interview, which was more like a friendly chat, and was once again feeling rather confident. The second interviewer said she'd have to discuss with the first interviewer and then they'd call me and let me know the outcome. Then she said, "I'm off tomorrow, and [the first interviewer] is off the next day and then weekends can get busy... so you may not get a call until next Monday."

So I expected another long wait...

The second interviewer called the next morning... from her home... on her day off! Problem was, I missed the call and accidentally erased the message that included the callback number (which was different than the number she called from). Then I remembered that after the interview, she said that the first interviewer would be working. I called the store to let the first interviewer know that I got the message from the second interviewer and would like to accept the offer. Unfortunately, the person who answered at the store informed me that I had just missed her-- by five minutes! So, here I had the job offer that I had been waiting for and no way to call back and accept it.

After panicking and receiving good advice from friends, I decided to call the store first thing the next morning and explain that I had erased the message and was unable to return their call. When I called, the first interviewer answered and was relieved to hear that I was still interested in taking the job. I went in that very evening to fill out paperwork and go through Orientation.

I just completed my first week of training at the Gap! So far, I love it. I even told one of my friends that "Gap is the new Disney!"

the truth behind rabbits and eye wear

2008-08-18T20:25:00.005-04:00

You know how when you were younger, sitting at the dinner table staring suspiciously at a plate full of carrots, your parents would tell you, "Carrots are good for you. They help your eyes. Rabbits eat carrots, and have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?"

Well, I thought about this recently and have come to the conclusion that parents lie to their children. Eating carrots has nothing to do with a rabbit's lack of eye wear. Rabbits don't wear glasses because they don't have good optical insurance. And let's face it, folks-- glasses are expensive!

So, parents-- be honest with your children. Tell them that eating carrots will help them get a better job with health benefits!

do you think I'm fat?

2008-08-08T16:34:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I posted a Pearls Before Swine comic strip, but I just can't resist posting this one. It made me laugh. I love Rat... painfully blunt, as always.

I'm not even making this up...

2008-07-27T13:20:00.005-04:00

No, seriously-- I am not making this up. My friend sent me this picture this morning. Taken by her very own camera phone! There seriously are people like this out there... allowed to wander amongst us! Beneath this photographic evidence is the text message that accompanied the original Pic Message.

"I was having a horrible morning & stopped for coffee @ McDonalds when this guy gets out of his car... and starts crawling around on the ground in the drive thru. I nearly died laughing!"

going green

2008-07-24T00:40:00.004-04:00

Whoever came up with the "Go Green" slogan is pretty much a marketing genius. They have made such an impact that the color of the traditional symbol for Recycling is now green. They changed the color of a standard symbol just because someone said "go green!" And they probably weren't even talking about the environment-- they were probably just cheering for the green team at a sporting event. Even so, it was marketing genius.

"GO GREEN! O, yah... and, um... recycling is good, too"

tastes just like the box

2008-07-14T12:39:00.001-04:00

I'm eating Tasteeos.

They're kind of like Cheerios, but with less cheer and more cardboard taste...

perhaps a super model?

2008-06-26T20:05:00.005-04:00

I was just wondering...

Since Superman always wore his undies on the outside of his tights...

Does that make him an Underwear Model? And did he ever work for Calvin Klein? Because it seems like a lot of actors get their start as Calvin Klein Underwear Models...

Hm... kinda makes you wonder, too. Doesn't it?

"it's a twister! it's a twister!"

2008-06-09T16:21:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, work was exciting. I can't even remember the last time I have had that much excitement at work. It didn't start out that spectacular, though. Let me explain. I wasn't very happy about having to work on Sunday. Apparently since we're closing, my Availability doesn't mean much. Well, at least the mall closes at 6pm on Sunday. Well, around 5:30pm, the lights flickered and our registers started acting up. Peggy, our Store Manager, thought she heard something announced over the mall intercom system thingy and saw an unusual presence of Mall Security... so she stepped out to see what was going on. (We couldn't hear the announcement inside the store). Then Peggy came in and announced. "Everyone, there is a tornado warning. We need to evacuate and go find shelter. We are closing the store. We need to evacuate." And people are not very smart. That's all I need to say about that, really. But I will explain more anyway. So even after Peggy very clearly said there was a tornado coming and we all needed to find shelter, the people just smiled and nodded and continued shopping! And Peggy was like "No, seriously... get out!" Well... ok, she was a little nicer than that. Anyway, so Mall Security had everyone evacuate into the inner service hallways of the mall. It was sweet. By the time they gave the "ok" to return, it was nearly 6pm- closing time! So rather than opening the gates for like 10mins, we decided to straighten up the store and close early. It was awesome! I wish work was always that exciting!

JRTnotebook, Jr. is growing up and writing music!

2008-05-31T23:59:00.002-04:00

Faithful readers will remember that a while back my notebook PC went into a coma. After 6 months, JRTnotebook went brain-dead and was in need of a brain transplant. (If you have no clue what I'm talking about- don't worry, that's normal. Most people have no clue what I'm talking about... ever. Just smile & nod- I'm used to that.)

(But if you really care to know- read this past post!)

After two months, the brain was replaced and JRTnotebook, Jr. was born.

Today, like every proud parent does, I will brag about how much my little compy has grown up! I finally purchased a MIDI Interface which allows me connect JRTnotebook, Jr. to my keyboard. This will make writing music on my little compy SO much easier! I am so excited about not having to enter the notes in by "hand," one click at a time anymore.

On Tuesday (or thereabouts), my laptop will experience another major "growth spurt." I have ordered 2GB of RAM! JRTnotebook, Jr. has been running rather slowly lately. You know how kids are- they get so tired when they're growing. But this RAM Upgrade should fix that.

So as you can tell, my little "pride and joy" is doing well. All grown up- and writing music!

"now its time to say goodbye..."

2008-05-01T16:34:00.004-04:00

Now its time to say goodbye
to all our company.

M-I-C
Spoken:
see you real soon
K-E-Y
Spoken:
why? because we like you
M-O-U-S-E

As some of you may know, 3+ years ago Disney sold the Disney Store to The Children's Place. Recently, Disney has sought to buy back the stores. Disney's plan was to buy back only 2/3 of the stores. As of today, May 1, Disney officially owns the Disney Store once again. Now, this should be great news (and it really is!), but... the store I work at was not one of the "chosen ones." We will be closing. In 7-8 weeks, I will be unemployed. No longer will I work with Mickey Mouse. This makes me sad. Sad, indeed.

"who's that sleeping in my bed..."

2008-04-04T21:56:00.003-04:00

No, seriously... who is that?!

My friend Bridget just sent me this great news article- a modern, real-life telling of the Goldilocks story. It made me chuckle.

CENTRALIA, Wash. - A "Goldilocks" was found sleeping in a Chehalis home. Deputy Police Chief Randy Kaut said when the family woke up Wednesday they found an 18-year-old stranger asleep in a bed.
When they awoke the woman she said a friend named Jeremy had dropped her off and told her it would be OK to sleep there. While that was just right for her it was more than the family could bear. They don't know anyone named Jeremy.
There was nothing taken from the home — no missing porridge. Police gave the Olympia woman a ticket for trespassing.

I'm dreaming of a... getaway car?

2008-03-27T16:04:00.003-04:00

Ok, so... last night I had a very strange dream. Very strange indeed. I dreamt that I tried stealing a tall tricycle (similar to the one in the pic- only taller)... but even when I peddled as fast as I could, it wasn't fast enough to get away. The owner just walked up to me and pushed me off.

I'm not really sure why I was trying to steal a tricycle. I think I may have stolen something else and grabbed the tricycle to use as my getaway vehicle.

Should've looked for something faster...

(I told you it was a strange dream)

someone must pay

2008-03-22T23:06:00.005-04:00

Alright... who was the one going around singing, "I'm Dreaming of a White Easter"?!?!

Pretty sure my calendar said "First Day of Spring" the other day... but apparently MI didn't get that memo because it snowed a lot last night! And it's supposed to snow again tomorrow... ON EASTER!!

I hate Global Warming!! It's colder and there's more snow!!

waking up... tch!

2008-03-01T15:40:00.002-05:00

"Ahhh!

Time to roll out of bed and get ready to face a big, bright, beautiful...

late afternoon/early evening?"

- theJRT

today's random thought that I really thought today (not even joking)

2008-02-26T19:53:00.002-05:00

My gloves are cool...

... they're hand-shaped.

my not-so-favorite holiday

2008-02-14T01:48:00.003-05:00

"Happy"
Singles
Awareness
Day

pain never hurt anyone...

2008-02-13T16:33:00.007-05:00

Yah, I said it- "Pain never hurt anyone."

So the other day, I woke up with a major kink in my neck. Not gonna lie- it was not comfortable... but I was trying to be all "Mr. Grinnenbarrett" (some of you will get that...) and act like I wasn't in as much pain as I was. Meanwhile, I was taking ibuprofen and relaxing under hot showers and laying on a heating pad and basically doing everything I could think of to stop the pain!

Well, this morning- the pain was still there. My neck has been kinky for THREE DAYS now! I was a little frustrated. So I decided to go to Google and run a search for "neck pain" and I was directed to a medical website. I clicked the medical site's link to "Shoulder and Neck Pain Treatment" and discovered that I have been causing my continued pain! Apparently I should have been using an ICE PACK, not a HEATING PAD! Yah, go figure, huh? "Do not use heat in the first week because it can increase the swelling in the injured area and worsen your pain."

Evidently while playing the role of "Mr. Grinnenbarrett," I was secretly enjoying the pain and did not really want relief. I guess...

my favorite holiday

2008-02-05T21:11:00.000-05:00

Today is my favorite holiday! Today is Paczki Day (pronounced "Poonch-key"... yah, I don't get it either)! Today is the day we stuff ourselves with ultra-fattening donuts! Seriously... what's not to love? Today, commonly called "Fat Tuesday" (which is translated "Mardis Gras"), is the day before Ash Wednesday which marks the first day of Lent. Although I am not Catholic and do not participate in Ash Wednesday or Lent- I find it difficult to refrain from joining them on Fat Tuesday... Paczkis just taste so good! Please excuse me while I go eat another one... and no, I won't tell you how many I've had!

lil red swim shorts

2008-02-01T21:53:00.000-05:00

Faithful readers of randomosity will remember my pursuit of skinniness that started back in May. You will also remember the status update in October- where I purchased my lil red hoodie! Well, again, I bring you good news. Last weekend, my niece had her 16th Birthday Party. It was a pool party! (yes... it was an indoor pool) Well, back in May (the last time I went swimming), I had to purchase new swim shorts because mine didn't fit anymore (they were a size S... and I wasn't). But last weekend, when getting ready for my niece's party, I decided to try them on again (having lost weight since May)- AND THEY FIT!! So... not only can I wear my lil red hoodie, but I can also wear my lil red swim shorts!! Yay me!

* If you would like an uncensored copy of the image, just send me an email... and I will probably just call you a perv!

short people...

2008-01-30T16:28:00.001-05:00

I just can't resist a good "short people" joke! This made me laugh a lot!

theJRT and the BirthWeekend

2008-01-20T23:48:00.000-05:00

This past Thursday (Jan, 17) was my BirthDay... but sometimes a Day just isn't good enough. I decided, this year I was going to make it a BirthWeekend (extended weekend, of course). I requested Thu-Sat off of work (and usually have Suns off anyway, and BirthWeekend was no exception). I made all sorts of plans with various friends. I had a blast. You see- I figured if I had enough fun, I would forget how old I really was now. (Still in denial, actually...) One of those BirthWeekend nights included a trip to Cold Stone Creamery! I had never been to one in my whole life!! Sad to say, I wasn't very adventurous and stuck to their "suggested" menu items. Although, I did modify my order just a tad. I decided to have a Cheesecake Fantasy! (... but without the blueberries- 'cause that would've totally ruined the fantasy for me...) It... was... AMAZING! I now understand the wonders and glories of Cold Stone Creamery! While I was turning, um... "older" on the 17th, randomosity turned 2 on the 19th! Two birthday celebrations in one BirthWeekend! To those who were involved in the BirthWeekend festivities- thanx for making it memorable!

the dreaded end of break

2008-01-11T02:38:00.000-05:00

MEXICO CITY - A 10-year-old Mexican boy dreaded returning to school after Christmas break so much that he glued his hand to his bed. Sandra Palacios spent nearly two hours Monday morning trying to free her son Diego's hand with water, oil and nail polish remover before calling authorities, police chief Jorge Camacho told The Associated Press from outside the northern city of Monterrey.
"I didn't want to go to school because vacation was so much fun," Reforma newspaper quoted the boy as saying. Palacios said Diego sneaked into the kitchen in the early morning to get the industrial glue, which he then slathered on his right hand. She didn't hear him get up, but later awoke and found him watching TV with his hand stuck to the bed, she told Mexican newspaper El Universal.

"I don't know why he did it," she told Reforma. "He's a good boy, but mischievous like all kids."

Diego's hand was fine, and paramedics managed to unstick him in time for class.

Seriously, Diego- industrial glue? You really thought that would work? You need to try harder next time. At least something that will take longer to remove! I mean... you didn't even miss a class!

welcome to 2008

2008-01-01T00:01:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! Randomosity is almost 2 years old now! Everyone looking forward to the "terrible twos"? I know I am! 2008 is sure to be an exciting year! I'm looking forward to it.

I decided that for my New Years Resolution, I will make it my goal to tempt others to break their New Years Resolutions!

('cause I'm a jerk...)

Haha, just kidding!

Maybe.

By the way, this post marks the 151st post on randomosity since it's birth on January 19, 2006. 151 is a palindromic number! Isn't that great?! (A Palindrome is a word (or in this case, a number) that is read the same in either direction).

santa claus is coming... or is he?

2007-12-24T23:56:00.000-05:00

Today, I heard the funniest Christmas song ever on the radio. I decided to post the lyrics. Enjoy!

The Chimney Song

There's something stuck up in the chimney
And I don't know what it is,
But it's been there all night long.
Well, I waited up for Santa all Christmas night
But he never came and it don't seem right.
And there's something in the chimney
And it doesn't make a sound,
But I wish you Merry Christmas.

There's something stuck up in the chimney
And I don't know what it is,
But it's been there all week long.
Well, the dog keeps barking up the chimney flue
And we don't know what we're going to do.
Cause there's something in the chimney
And it doesn't move around,
And it's been a week since Christmas.

There's something stuck up in the chimney
And I don't know what it is,
But it's been there all month long.
Well, it's jammed up tight above the fireplace
Now the house smells funny, such a big disgrace.
That there's something in the chimney
And it doesn't talk at all,
And it's been there since last Christmas.

There's something stuck up in the chimney
And I don't know what it is,
But it's been there all year long.
I'll been waiting up for Santa like I did last year
But my brother says, "He's already here."
And he's stuck up in the chimney
And he doesn't say a word
And he'll be there every Christmas.
And we'll have him every Christmas.

on the "naughty list"

2007-12-18T16:38:00.001-05:00

My good friend Bridget (who is ever-faithful in sending me entertaining news articles) sent me this holiday gem- I just had to share this one.

MONTREAL (AFP) - After catching his 15-year-old smoking pot, a father sold the hard-to-get "Guitar Hero III" video game he bought his son for 90 dollars for Christmas at an online auction, fetching 9,000 dollars.

The sale took place after the father spent two weeks searching for the video game for the Nintendo Wii gameboard. "So I was so relieved in that I had finally got the Holy Grail of Christmas presents pretty much just in the nick of time. I couldn't wait to spread the jubilance to my son," the father wrote on the eBay website "Then, yesterday, I came home from work early and what do I find? My innocent little boy smoking pot in the back yard with two of his delinquent friends."

The man, a school teacher, who kept his identity private, said he sold the coveted video game to punish his son and discourage him from smoking dope.

The sale was a boon for the family's bank account, since the game the father purchased for 90 dollars (US) was finally sold to an Australian who plunked down 9,100 dollars for it. The naughty son, however, will not go without a present on Christmas. "I am still considering getting him a game for his Nintendo. Maybe something like Barbie as the Island Princess or Dancing with the Stars... I know he will just love them," the father said, tongue-in-cheek.

I'm still not sure who the bigger moron is in this article... the 15-year-old boy who thought it was cool to smoke pot, or the Australian who paid 9,100 dollars for "Guitar Hero III"? That's a tough call. I mean... they're both morons. But who's the bigger moron? I dunno. But I do have to say "congratulations" to that father. That was some smart parenting!

fun for lexophiles (lovers of words)

2007-12-07T18:22:00.000-05:00

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder & got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist & a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

what I've learned from fairy tales...

2007-12-01T03:45:00.000-05:00

I recently saw Disney's Enchanted. Amazing, amazing movie. Highly recommend it. But as I reflected on what I watched- this modern Fairy Tale- I couldn't help but think of some of the great life lessons I have learned from the Fairy Tales I heard as a child. I was reminded while I watched Enchanted of the valuable lessons these stories taught me and that they teach all children. Then I thought, "I should relay some of these timeless truths to my faithful randomosity readers!" So, here in list format, I will tell you a few of the important things I've learned from Fairy Tales:

Don't eat apples that are too red to be true

Don't buy shoes that are too big- you'll lose one

and

Never trust Stepmothers who wear all black

"if I only had a brain..."

2007-11-12T16:08:00.001-05:00

AH! Pig's lost his mind! And look- it's Scrabble!

"I want candy..."

2007-10-28T00:27:00.000-04:00

Today, whilst walking through the mall heading to the store I work at, I passed the Dell Kiosk (like I do every time I walk through the mall to work). I'm always distracted by the cool Dell computers and Flat Screen TV's they have on their Kiosk. I always look when I pass by. But today, I saw something there that was stinkin' hilarious. I literally laughed out loud as I walked by. People stared. Today, all the Dell workers were wearing Halloween t-shirts- orange with black lettering. The back of their shirts read:

"No one wants an APPLE for Halloween"

I think that is hilarious. That is such clever marketing. Think about it- kids don't like getting apples, they want candy. But when Dell says "no one wants an Apple for Halloween" they are totally slamming Apple Computers. Very clever. Made me laugh. Out loud.

crazy, man... crazy

2007-10-24T22:23:00.000-04:00

"If you're happy and you know it...

... clap your hands"

muahahaHAHAHAHA!!

See, this is why I should never work at an Asylum or the Psych Ward at a hospital... these are the kinds of songs I would sing to the patients. Some may find that a tad bit cruel... I find it a tad bit hilarious.

theJRT and the little red hoodie

2007-10-19T00:08:00.001-04:00

To my faithful readers, I now give you the post you've been waiting for. This is the post in which I will update you regarding the past post, "I need encouragement..." I've been faithful to the exercise and it has paid off! I still haven't quite reached my goal, but I'm excited about the results I see.

Last time I shopped for a pair of jeans, I had to buy a smaller size!

And recently, I went shopping for a new zip-up hoodie sweatshirt. I wanted a red one. Red is my favorite color. I asked my friend if she could hold the jacket I wore into the store so that I could try on the red hoodie I found at the store. I tried the hoodie on and my friend asked "hm... do they have a smaller size you could try?"

At that point, I chuckled and replied, "actually, no... this is a Size Small"

I was/am so happy! My new Size Small red hoodie fits so nicely. It's not tight at all!

Next stop: the six-pack abs.

rehab may be necessary

2007-10-10T21:21:00.000-04:00

I love Coca-Cola...

Every time I go to a store I have a hard time getting through the checkout lane without grabbing a 20oz. bottle of Coke from those handy little coolers so conveniently placed right in front of the cash registers. And when on sale, I stock up on 12 packs and 2 liters.

I think I'm a Coke addict...

goodbye to a good friend

2007-10-04T18:05:00.000-04:00

On October 6, my life may (temporarily) end. IceScapes is closing for the season. I'm not sure how I can make it through the Winter without a single StratoScape!

If you're ever in Ypsilanti, MI (for reasons unknown), you cannot leave the area without trying IceScapes. Trust me on this. IceScapes makes Dairy Queen taste gross. There really is no comparing the two.

Click the IceScapes logo to check out their website. Be prepared to drool over the tasty treats pictured.

it's not delivery... or is it?

2007-09-26T21:08:00.001-04:00

I like pizza... like, real pizza that is not frozen with do-it-yourself instructions printed on the box.

Nothing against frozen pizzas...

my hero

2007-09-22T11:27:00.001-04:00

Rat is my hero. I totally want to beat people with cucumbers!

ITLAPD

2007-09-19T21:05:00.000-04:00

*singing* "yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..."

Arrr, Matey. It be International Talk Like a Pirate Day today! Shiver me timbers. Avast, ye- grab your cutlass and a bottle o' (non-alcoholic) rum and weigh anchor!

are you for serious?!

2007-09-04T17:49:00.000-04:00

I've often wondered- if you say "just kidding" twice, does the second "just kidding" negate the first one, meaning you are not kidding and in fact are very serious? For example, let's say someone said this to you:

"You're a complete idiot! Haha, just kidding... *rolls eyes* just kidding."

I dunno... kinda sounds like they really think you're a complete idiot. If I were you, I wouldn't let them talk to me like that.

may or may not be a good secretary

2007-08-31T14:30:00.000-04:00

Recently, I've had the privilege of taking messages for Julia. Who's Julia, you ask? I honestly don't know. And why am I taking messages for her? Um... I don't really know the answer to that either. Perhaps she thought I would make a great secretary. Not sure why- I have no way of passing these messages along to her. And you'd think you'd want your secretary to give you the messages they take for you. Anyway... I suppose I should explain. You see, I've been getting voice mail messages on my phone from U-Haul for someone named Julia. The first call was to let me know that they had the truck she reserved and needed to get ahold of her. I thought this was strange, being that my name is definitely not Julia and I most definitely did not reserve a U-Haul truck. I decided to ignore the call. Two days later, however, I received another voice mail message from U-Haul saying that the truck Julia rented had mysteriously returned to their lot, but the keys to this truck had not returned. (Basically, Julia stole the keys). Again, they said they needed to get ahold of Julia. Again, I ignored the call. This time, slightly laughing. I don't know who Julia is, or why she gave U-Haul my cell phone number, but taking messages for Julia has been entertaining. Poor U-Haul, they probably think Julia is a jerk who steals keys and runs away and never returns phone calls... but I just didn't have the heart to call them and set the story straight. *mischievous laugh* (I'm such a jerk... and definitely not a good secretary).

flaming tarts of doom

2007-08-26T14:52:00.000-04:00

I always thought the purpose of ridiculous warning labels was to protect companies from stupid lawsuits. I guess that doesn't always work. Since most people never read the warnings, they apparently decide to blame the companies for not making the print larger or something. Perish the thought they take the blame for their own stupidity or their inability to read clear warnings.

What We Need Is A Little Tart Reform.

Parents beware! It looks like those Pop Tarts you’ve been feeding your children for breakfast are dangerous and highly flammable—or at least that is what a lawyer and his cry baby clientèle would lead us to believe. The flaming pop tart incident involves a New Jersey couple who are suing the Kellogg Company (maker of the Pop Tart) and the Black and Decker Company (maker of the toaster) for a cool hundred grand in damages to their scorched home, which burned down when the wife popped a pastry in the toaster and left home to take the children to school. Hoping to return home to a warm tart, the lady returned to a tart warming the house – since the house was on fire.

Despite the warning on the Pop Tart box “not to leave the toaster appliance unattended due to possible risk of fire” (do we really need warnings like this?), the claimant did – and now wants these two deep pocketed companies to pay up. The lawyer bringing the case is quoted as saying, “I never thought a Pop Tart could turn into a blowtorch.” Good grief.

Maybe the legal stiffs on Kellogg’s payroll should affix a warning to each box of Pop Tarts that reads as follows: “Hey, all of you knuckle heads out there, listen up! Don’t leave the house while you’re toasting the tart.”

It looks like this lawsuit is like most of them out there – it’s all about the dough.

Source: The Philadelphia Inquirer – July 28, 2001

a celebration throughout OZ

2007-08-18T18:52:00.000-04:00

I want to be wicked...

I mean, I want to see Wicked.

Someone buy me tickets.

Please.

And thank you.

missing footwear update

2007-07-31T23:58:00.000-04:00

UPDATE: Rejoice! for the Prodigal Flip-Flop has returned! (and I still don't know where the glove is)

missing footwear

2007-07-31T19:48:00.001-04:00

Maybe this only happens to me (and most likely that is the case), but I wanted to wear my black flip-flops today and I have not worn them at all yet this Summer. So I open the closet to get them; however, there was only one flip-flop in the closet! And what's so strange about that, you ask? Well, there may have been only one flip-flop, but it was not alone. You see, there was a single Winter glove with my single Summer flip-flop! How does this even happen? There was no sign of the missing flip-flop nor the missing glove in the closet either. Gloves and flip-flops don't generally go well together. So... if anyone has any idea where my missing footwear could be, please let me know. I don't really care about the glove...

nursery rhyme not fit for children

2007-07-27T18:34:00.001-04:00

Wee Willy Winkie

Wee Willy Winkie runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs, in his nightgown;
Rapping at the window, crying through the lock,
“Are the children in their beds?
Now it’s eight o’clock.”

Sometimes I wonder if Mother Goose was really fit to be a mother. I'm sorry, but this nursery rhyme used to creep me out- not gonna lie. Why is Wee Willy Winkie running around in, essentially, nothing but his underwear? PJs are not for public viewing! I mean, for serious- who does this?!?! Not to mention the fact that he's running around spying on little children. This just screams "pedophile." Wee Willy Winkie should be in prison, not running "through the town... in his nightgown!" This is definitely one of those Nursery Rhymes that should never be told to impressionable youth. Scars them for life!

I'd wave goodbye

2007-07-21T20:21:00.001-04:00

Pearls Before Swine always makes me laugh. And, uh... sorry friends, but if I saw a lion dragging you off to your death, I'd just stand there waving goodbye too. No offense.

donor found; transplant successful

2007-07-13T02:22:00.000-04:00

Well, folks- a donor was found! The brain transplant surgery took place last night. The surgical team did run into some unexpected complications. Who knew you had to perform open heart surgery in order to replace the brain? Well... technically, you don't need to pry open the chest of the patient, but we decided to do that anyway. (Mainly because we didn't really know what we were doing). Luckily, nothing went horribly wrong. It just took us about two hours to realize there was a much easier way to replace the brain... like, the right way. But in the end- the surgery was a success!

JRTnotebook Jr. was born last night! My laptop, which has been dead for the past 8 months, is now ALIVE!! (and btw, I'm posting this very post from my newly reborn laptop!) YAY! JRTnotebook Jr. is still in the recovery stages. A few more minor surgeries need to be performed to bring it back to it's former glory, but hey- at least it's ALIVE!!

blinded by love...

2007-07-07T01:32:00.000-04:00

My friend just sent me this article and all I can say is, "wow!"

Blinded by love, man stabbed in eye by girlfriend

Thu Jul 5, 10:25 AM ET

HONG KONG (Reuters) - A Hong Kong woman who blinded her boyfriend in one eye in a fight six years ago has been jailed for jabbing a chopstick into his other eye, a newspaper reported on Wednesday.

Last November, Po Shiu-fong, 58, accused long-time boyfriend Kwok Wai-ming, 49, of having an affair, the South China Morning Post reported.

During the row, Po stabbed a plastic chopstick into his left eye, which she had already blinded six years ago when she poked it with her finger.

"Po became hysterical when she saw the wound and mopped it with a towel. The pair then went to bed," the paper said.

"The next morning they had another argument in which she grabbed a chopstick and stabbed Kwok's right eye," it said.

Two days later, he sought medical treatment and filed a police report against Po, whom he had dated since 1993.

The paper said he didn't report the attack six years ago, telling the court his silence was "a love sacrifice."

Kwok lost 10 to 20 percent vision in his right eye, the paper said.

Po was jailed for six months on Tuesday.

"If I forgive her, God would not forgive me," the paper quoted Kwok as saying. "No matter what, nothing could compensate for the loss of my eye.

learn to be lonely - andrew lloyd weber (music), charles hart (lyrics)

2007-06-29T15:54:00.000-04:00

child of the wilderness,
born into emptiness,
learn to be lonely,
learn to find your way in darkness.

who will be there for you?
comfort and care for you?
learn to be lonely,
learn to be your one companion.

never dream that out in the world
there are arms to hold you.
you've always known
your heart was on its own.

so laugh in your loneliness.
child of the wilderness.
learn to be lonely,
learn how to love life that is lived alone.

learn to be lonely.
life can be lived,
life can be loved
alone.

© Copyright 2004 Andrew Lloyd Webber.

This song is beautifully depressing. It makes me sad and happy at the same time. I don't know if I've ever heard such a beautiful expression of emotion before...

Google goes places...

2007-06-17T21:50:00.001-04:00

A friend of mine posted a MySpace bulletin and the general gist of the bulletin was this:

Go to Google and type in your first name and then type "goes". & don't cheat by looking for the one you like best; just take the first link Google gives you.
Then, add your name to the list and repost.

1. Raven goes berrypicking.
2. Juan goes to san juan.
3. Eden goes live!
4. Kaela goes SLEDDING!
5. Stephanie goes wireless

And the list went on, down to number 80! Anyway- I was bored (what's new?) so I decided to give it a try. Went to Google, typed "Jesse goes," and here was the result I got:

Jesse Goes to Rehab

I laughed.

pomp & circumstance

2007-06-09T23:30:00.000-04:00

Tonight, I went to a High School graduation. And like most commencement ceremonies, this one was full of "pomp & circumstance." My parents and I were in the "nose-bleed" section... kinda reminded me of watching an ant farm, only these ants were wearing caps and gowns, and they didn't really look like ants at all (well, ok- some of them did, but not most). Well, to those of you who graduated (and you know who you are)- congrats. And I hope you didn't lose your cap when you threw it. 'Cause that'd stink. You totally earned that fabric-covered cardboard hat and the dangling tassel attached to it! Congratulations again.

don't practice- just do it

2007-06-08T15:20:00.000-04:00

"Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive!"

- Sir Walter Scott

'K, ever notice that in this famous quote, our webs are tangled when we practice to deceive? Maybe if we didn't practice, it wouldn't be so bad. 'Cause, well... lying comes naturally so if we stop practicing we'll be better at it! Am I the only one who thinks this makes sense? No practice = nicer, less-tangled webs. Besides, who really likes practicing anyway- too much work.

* And if you can't tell that I'm being completely sarcastic, you do not know me very well and you should be ashamed.

he will be missed...

2007-06-01T21:03:00.002-04:00

For those of you who didn't know... JRTnotebook (my laptop) was in a coma for six months. I've been using my parents' ancient desktop PC. Recently, JRTnotebook went in for major surgery... and... and he didn't make it. Dr. Andy did everything he could... there was just nothing more that could be done. *sobs* JRTnotebook is no longer in a coma... he is now brain-dead. Fortunately there are still traces of life left in him and with a brain transplant (and by that I mean a new hard drive) it is possible he may live again. Although his memory will never recover, I will always remember the good times we had. My hope is that he can receive his brain transplant soon. We have a lot of catching up to do. I miss him greatly. He passed away at such a young age. Too young. It's so hard to say goodbye. But... it's not really "goodbye," is it? We'll be together again, soon. Until then...

I love you, buddy. And I miss you.
JRTnotebook; 2004 - May 27, 2007

I need encouragement...

2007-05-31T17:24:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to get skinny again...

yes, believe it or not, there was a time when I was skinny. And although I don't think I'm obese or even really fat now, I'm sick of hearing things like:

"you're not fat, just... pudgy" or
"you may have a little 'extra padding,' but I wouldn't say you're fat"

(seriously folks- is that supposed to be encouraging?)

So, I've decided to start running on the treadmill (or at least power-walking/jogging) every night. And maybe add some other things like sit-ups to target my non-existent "abs" area.

So, yah... when you see me- feel free to ask me if I've been keeping up on things. Sometimes I need outside motivation like that... an "accountabilibuddy," if you will.

* Please note, this is not an actual image of me on the treadmill. My treadmill is black.

dot's poetry corner

2007-05-27T13:50:00.000-04:00

Remember Animaniacs? What a fantastic cartoon! It was so ADD-friendly. And just plain hilarious! I wonder if anyone has ever or will ever create a better animated television series...? It's doubtful. (And yes, faithful readers- I know it's not a Disney cartoon!)

One of my favorite things on Animaniacs was a short segment called "Dot's Poetry Corner," where the Warner Brothers' sister Dot would come out and recite poetry. They all started out sounding like familiar nursery rhymes and such... but they always took an unexpected turn for the hilarious!

Now I will share two of my favorites from "Dot's Poetry Corner:"

LITTLE MISS MUFFET

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
And what a big tuffet she had.
So if you're feeling insecure
Just stand next to her
And then you won't feel quite so bad.
Thank you.

ODE TO JACK

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over
The candlestick
And burned his butt.
Thank you.

almost speechless...

2007-05-25T00:38:00.000-04:00

AMAZING!

That's all I can tell you.

And if you want to see the real ending, you must stay through the credits. Trust me.

my reason for going to ohio

2007-05-23T00:10:00.000-04:00

I usually avoid Ohio. Not that it's a horrible state... I just prefer not to go there. However, this weekend I made a trip to Ohio. Why, you ask? I asked myself that same question. Over and over. And then I remembered why I was willingly going to that state that is in most cases worthy of avoidance- my best friend was graduating from college! (Unfortunately, she went to college in Ohio despite our desperate attempts to talk her out of it). I was so proud of her! She looked all grown up in her cap and gown. We had tons of fun! More fun than I would've ever thought possible in Ohio. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Ohio isn't so bad. Hm... or maybe not. Maybe my friend just needs to move back to Michigan.

I'd like to buy a vowel

2007-05-12T03:17:00.000-04:00

If I were ever on the TV game show, Wheel of Fortune, and I had to buy a vowel- I would buy a "Y." The letter "Y" has to be the most depressed letter in the alphabet. Think about it- it's only "sometimes" a vowel, which means it's only "sometimes" a consonant.

Didn't you ever find it odd when you were a child, learning your alphabet why the vowels were "A E I O and U... and sometimes Y?" That always puzzled me. What was it about "Y" that made him so unwanted?

Poor "Y," never really accepted by the Vowels... never really accepted by the Consonants. Just left alone... unwanted.

That is why if I were ever on the TV game show, Wheel of Fortune, and I had to buy a vowel- I would buy a "Y."

then along came a spider, who sat down... inside him?

2007-05-09T21:52:00.000-04:00

Today I received a very interesting piece of news from my friend Bridget (who is mentioned in my April 05, 2007 post as being the one who emails me bizarre news clippings). I honestly don't know what to say about this article... it's kinda creepy. And yet, strangely cool. And ironically, the kid's name is Jesse. But enough of my ramblings- read on:

ALBANY, Ore. - These guys weren't exactly Snap, Crackle and Pop. What began as a faint popping in a 9-year-old boy's ear — "like Rice Krispies" — ended up as an earache, and the doctor's diagnosis was that a pair of spiders made a home in the ear.
"They were walking on my eardrums," Jesse Courtney said.
One of the spiders was still alive after the doctor flushed the fourth-grader's left ear canal. His mother, Diane Courtney, said her son insisted he kept hearing a faint popping in his ear — "like Rice Krispies." Dr. David Irvine said it looked like the boy had something in his ear when he examined him. When he irrigated the ear, the first spider came out, dead. The other spider took a second dousing before it emerged, still alive. Both were about the size of a pencil eraser. Jesse was given the spiders — now both dead — as a souvenir. He has taken them to school and his mother has taken them to work. "It was real interesting, 'cause, two spiders in my ear — what next?" Jesse said.

why hate? choose love!

2007-05-03T21:18:00.000-04:00

Why do people hate dandelions so much?

I think they're pretty weeds.

"looking for love..."

2007-05-01T21:30:00.000-04:00

Ever wonder why some people crave chocolate?

I decided to do some online research (I suppose you could call it "eSearch") and looked up "chocolate" on wikipedia. According to a study, "[chocolate] produced an increase in brain activity and heart rate that was more intense than that associated with passionate kissing, and also lasted four times as long after the activity had ended."

So, naturally, I went to the store in search of passionate kisses (and by that, I mean chocolate). To my dismay, the store was sold out of my favorite little chocolates... so I had to settle for something a little less passionate. But it was still a happy day.

emoticons: the play

2007-04-13T00:46:00.000-04:00

I was bored, so I wrote a play using my Instant Messenger Smileys!

Look at me. I'm terribly embarrassed and my cheeks are turning red!

I'm sad for you, Embarrassed Smiley.

STOP CRYING BABY!

I can't believe how mean you are, Angry Smiley! That's not nice!

Yes, Angry Smiley, that was very harsh. I think you two should kiss and make up!

Kissing is dirty, sinful, and wrong.

Holier-than-Thou Smiley, I wanna kick you in the mouth!

Yay! Happy ending!

THE END

it's official...

2007-04-11T22:47:00.000-04:00

I took an online quiz, and it's official: I am a music nerd. (Yah, like you're all shocked)

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Musician Doo doo de doo waaaa doo de doo! (<-- That's you playing something.) Everyone appreciates the band/orchestra geeks and the pretty voices. Whether you sing in the choir, participate in a school/local band, or sit at home writing music, you contribute a joy to society that everyone can agree on. Yay! Welcome to actually doing something for poor, pathetic human souls. (Just kidding.)
Drama Nerd
Literature Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Anime Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Social Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

love your pet, but...

2007-04-05T18:09:00.000-04:00

My good friend from college, Bridget, has an incredible knack for finding the most bizarre news articles. We pondered over many newspaper clippings in our time at school. We read some strange things- things that made us laugh, cry laughing, laugh even harder, and even question people's sanity (as we laughed at them). Well, thanks to email, this tradition that began in college can continue today. Here is a recent news article Bridget emailed me that actually left me speechless:

HYDERABAD, India (Reuters) - Unable to come to terms with the death of their pet dog, an elderly couple in southern India committed suicide by hanging themselves, police said on Monday. The bodies of 67-year-old retired soldier C.N. Madanraj and his wife, Tarabai, 63, were found on Sunday in their home in a suburb of Hyderabad. Police said the childless couple had held a burial ceremony for their dog of 13 years, called "Puppy," and hosted a feast for friends before hanging themselves in their bedroom. "The couple described the grief over their pet dog in the suicide note they left on March 29," said police inspector V. Anantaiah.

am I a pig?

2007-04-02T00:33:00.000-04:00

This is my own sad reality... in a comic strip. I laughed while wiping the tears away.

they can't speak it, we can't either

2007-03-30T01:41:00.000-04:00

You know how Americans complain that immigrants do not know how to speak English? Well, okay- this is just a random thought, but... how come we expect them to learn a language we can't even use properly? I mean, so many Americans are ignorant when it comes to understanding English grammar. To me, it's funny to hear some redneck saying things like "I can't understand nothin' they say 'cause they don't speak no English." Cracks me up!

myspace is evil

2007-03-27T16:05:00.000-04:00

Okay, so my email account is through AOL so when I sign on to my Instant Messenger, AIM lets me know if I have any new emails. Occasionally it will pop-up and a say "You have 1 new email message(s)," or something of that sorts. Well, I logged in today and the pop-up said I had 55 new emails! I'm like "what?!?!" So I check my email, and I have 55 messages from MySpace, 50 of them were friend requests, all of them were total SPAM! MySpace is evil!! I called my friend to tell her about it and she's all like "are you sure you're not exaggerating, 'cause you do that." And I'm all like "no- for serious this time! I have 55 spammy emails from MySpace!" So here is a screen shot for proof (notice in upper right, it says 55 messages Page 1 of 3):

going where the stars go

2007-03-26T18:12:00.000-04:00

Anyone else notice the odd trend of checking into rehab? It seems every week another celebrity or two checks themselves into a rehab clinic. I'm beginning to wonder if these stars really want help or if they're just going to rehab 'cause it's the "thing to do" nowadays. Anyway, this pearls made me chuckle. I have to agree with Pig, excessive drinking is a silly requirement for a vacation getaway. Why not try not drinking and enjoy a better vacation at Disney World?

funny bumpers

2007-03-23T19:31:00.000-04:00

here are ten bumper stickers that I found to be quite humorous. you don't have to laugh at them if you don't want to. I already laughed at them a lot.

At World's End trailer

2007-03-20T01:05:00.000-04:00

bored

2007-03-12T21:01:00.000-04:00

Look! It's my name in Reese's Pieces. Can you tell I was bored?

a sick, twisted, evil person... who's not me

2007-02-27T15:17:00.000-05:00

Why is it that pants made for infants have all those nice easy-to-undo snaps all along the legs for easy access diaper changing (when they can't even do it themselves) and yet toddler pants (pants fitting children who are potty training and should be able to do it themselves) have like 5 buttons, 3 super-hard-to-undo snaps, 2 clasps, and a pad lock?!?! For serious- what sick, twisted, evil person thought it would be fun to watch those poor children run around, jumping up and down, practically in tears yelling, "I GOTTA GO! HELP ME! HELP ME!" It's just mean!

daylight's curse

2007-02-20T14:17:00.000-05:00

This is why I don't like traveling when normal people are awake! I went to Wisconsin this past weekend to visit friends, family, and what-not (not really sure who the "what-nots" are). I left Michigan Thursday night at around 10pm and arrived in Wisconsin circa 5:30am. I know, most of you are probably thinking, "Jesse, that's crazy!" Crazy as it may seem, the trip was wonderful- just me and a few scattered semis on the road. And the sun bothers me, I see better at night. Well, I returned to Michigan on Monday late morning/early afternoon-ish and what you see pictured on the left is what I had to deal with! I don't like other people on my road and in my way! The trip back was way longer because there were too many people. And the sun bothers me. There was a van in front of me at one point in time whose rear end was smashed. The driver would drive a little and then randomly slam on the brakes! Thing is- the car in front of that van was practically a mile ahead! I was like, "Hmm... can't imagine why this van's rear end is smashed." (Previous sentence should be read with a great deal of sarcasm to reach desired effect). If ever I get another bright idea and decide to travel during daylight hours, please, someone hit me. Or I may just hit myself. Next time, I'm waiting for the normal people to go to sleep. The roads are safer.

how big are your pockets?

2007-02-07T13:37:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I work in a mall. And in random places in the mall, there are signs. Some advertise for stores, some for tv shows, some for movies... you know, the general things that profit from such marketing campaigns. While walking down the Lord & Taylor wing of the mall, toward the store I wished to shop at, I saw this sign... and quite frankly, I still don't know what they are advertising. It is a rather random statement and doesn't make much sense, which is why I took a picture of it and decided to post it here on randomosity. Well, here is the picture:

I'm guessing they're advertising for pants with large pockets? I dunno. But seriously- who puts packs of hot dogs in their pockets... and then forgets about them only to find them at a later time?!?!

game over, dude.

2007-01-26T14:54:00.000-05:00

It's been a while, so I decided to post a new "stupid lawsuit." This one is kinda sad, but I agree with the author of this article.

You've heard the stories where some poor schlub plays Dungeons and Dragons for weeks on end, then freaking out and imagining himself to be in a D&D adventure, before he was finally committed to a mental institution. Nobody sued TSR, Inc., publisher of the D&D manuals -- don't ask me how I know that. I just do, okay?! -- because their kid didn't have a firm grip on reality. Nobody sued the friends of the whacko for criminal negligence just because their game-playing somehow caused his mental breakdown.

So why is a Louisiana woman suing Nintendo of America after her son had a deadly seizure? According to a story in the Baton Rouge (Louisiana) Advocate, Esther Walker of Livingston Parish is suing Nintendo, claiming that her son Benjamin Walker, 30, suffered a seizure that caused his death, because he played on his Nintendo 64 game system eight hours a day, six days a week, since he bought it. Walker purchased his Nintendo 64 in May 1999, and then bought 10 more games in the weeks that followed.

According to Esther Walker's lawsuit, "Benji" Walker had six seizures as a result of the game. The sixth one happened on January 22, 2001. According to the lawsuit, ". . . Benjamin passed out, fell forward and hit his head and mouth on a table, which caused a severe closed head injury, loss of teeth, and moderate bleeding." Walker died in the hospital on January 26th, 2001.

The lawsuit also says that Walker had his first seizure in September 1999, and had five subsequent seizures over the next 17 months while playing the games. Esther Walker claims that Nintendo produced a defective product, but failed to give any adequate warnings about the health risks.

What should they have said? "WARNING: TABLES ARE HARD. DO NOT HIT YOUR HEAD ON THEM."

Or how about this: "WARNING: IF YOU SUFFER A SEIZURE AFTER PLAYING OUR GAME FOR 48 HOURS PER WEEK, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CUT BACK A LITTLE BIT, AND OH I DON'T KNOW, TAKE A WALK OUTSIDE OR SOMETHING? I MEAN, COME ON, YOU'RE PLAYING THE GAME LONGER THAN A REGULAR FULL-TIME JOB!"

The company has understandably denied any wrongdoing. And why shouldn't they? They're not like the tobacco companies who purposely made cigarettes addictive and then lied to the world about it for more than 60 years. Nintendo makes games for people to play. What is there to warn about? "WARNING: THERE IS A TENUOUS, NOT-YET-PROVEN LINK BETWEEN CERTAIN ELECTRONIC VIDEO IMAGES AND SEIZURES. SO DON'T PLAY THIS GAME. DON'T EVEN BUY IT. SURE, WE MAY GO OUT OF BUSINESS, BUT THAT'S OKAY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT US. WE'LL MANAGE SOMEHOW. WE CAN STAY WITH FRIENDS."

As sorry as I am for her loss, I can't believe that Esther Walker is somehow surprised by all of this. Let's look at her own statements. Benjamin Walker played his Nintendo 64 for eight hours a day, six days a week, for seventeen months! Of course the guy had seizures! Anybody who does something that much is bound to have some sort of problem. Whether it's morbid obesity owing to lack of exercise, an exploded bladder, or severe social awkwardness, if you sit in front of a TV for 48 hours per week, something will go wrong.

I can't even work for eight hours a day, let alone all in a row. I usually spend two or three hours a day playing computer games or cruising the 'Net for pictures of Pamela Anderson (Note: if my boss is reading this, that last sentence is completely untrue. I only put it in there for comedic effect. I actually work 40 hours a week, non-stop. Did I say 40? I meant 60 hours a week.).

But what makes it worse is that Benjamin Walker continued to play even after he suffered his first seizure four months after he bought the game. Not only that, he continued on his eight-hours-a-day-six-days-a-week playing schedule, racking up another four seizures. The fifth one happened while he was playing again, and it just happened to be the one that did him in.

Doesn't it make sense that if the family were able to establish a connection between the seizures and Walker's game playing, they would have stopped him from playing? One would expect him to think, "I seem to black out when I play. Maybe I should quit." But apparently this never occurred to him, or if it did, they chose to ignore it.

And here's the added bonus: Esther Walker is suing for unspecified damages for medical and funeral expenses, mental and emotional anguish, and the lost future earnings of her son. Medical and funeral expenses, I can understand. Mental and emotional anguish, no problem. But the "lost future earnings" of her video-game-playing-for-48-hours-per-week son? What kind of future earnings do you expect someone who plays that many hours to have? Grown men who spend that much time playing games don't have great career possibilities, let alone huge earning potentials.

And when you factor in the distinct possibility, although this is just a guess on my part, that Benjamin Walker did not have his own place (i.e. he lived in his mom's basement), the "future earnings" potential is pretty much in the toilet, unless someone finally starts paying video game geeks six-figure salaries for blasting bad guys and picking up magic coins.

So should we feel bad for Esther Walker? Absolutely. Should we learn something about playing video games in moderation. You betcha. Is she entitled to untold millions of dollars because her son didn't quit playing the games that caused his first five seizures? Certainly not.

If anyone should get any benefit out of this, it should be the new XBox game system and their latest advertising slogan: "Now, 64% Seizure Free."

Erik Deckers
(published week of March 1st, 2002)

randomosity's one and 100th!

2007-01-19T14:39:00.000-05:00

Today is the day! January 19, 2007- randomosity's First Birthday! Thank you all for coming to read my random, ADD-inspired life comments. I enjoy blogging and I'm glad you enjoy reading (even if you're most likely laughing at me instead of with me. I don't care- I can take it).

This post is also the 100th post on randomosity! That means over this year, I've had 100 different things to tell you. Most of which were most likely pointless.

I finally made the switch to the New Blogger! I like it. It will make updating the site so much easier. And (though not complete yet), I intend to go back through the archives and add labels to each post. Which means you'll easily be able to find old posts that revolve around a certain topic (think of it as a topical index). Thank you all again for keeping randomosity alive for a whole year. Hopefully it will be around next year, too!

birthdays...

2007-01-18T15:12:00.000-05:00

Yesterday (1/17) was my birthday. I turned... older. The teens at my church kept teasing me and kept "guessing" I turned 40! And when I wanted the usual random high-five, they refused and said that I was too old for random high-fives and that I had to shake their hands like an adult! Whatever!! I refused.

Yesterday may have been my birthday, but tomorrow (1/19) is randomosity's first birthday! I created this blog one year ago, two days after my birthday! I can't believe I've kept this up for a whole year. When I started it, I was like "I'll probably get bored with blogging and quit after a week or two." And here we are, one year later... *sigh* Sorry, I promised myself I wouldn't get all emotional...

'K, so I really wasn't getting emotional. I was just kidding. O, and by the way, This post is number 99. Not only will tomorrow be the One Year Birthday of randomosity, it will also be the 100th post! So much to celebrate! Well, better get back to those big birthday plans. Tomorrow is a big day!

bad luck with money

2007-01-13T18:00:00.000-05:00

So, relatively new to this New Year, and already having money problems. No, I'm not broke, let me explain. This past Tuesday, I made plans with friends to go out to eat and rent a movie and just hang out. Now, my normal routine would include shower, get dressed, put my wallet in my pants pocket. And in that order. Well, I woke up to find all my clothes dirty. How does that happen? Anyway... so I washed them, threw them in the dryer and put on a generic "lounge-around-the-house"-type t-shirt, and some pocket-less jogging pants after my shower so I wouldn't have to be immodest while waiting for my clothes to dry. So my friends arrive, my clothes dried, I got changed, we decided to go to Applebee's. We ordered, we ate, bill came- no wallet! We left shortly after I changed clothes and since I was wearing pocket-less jogging pants post shower, I never put my wallet on my personage! Which means I never put it in the pocket of my newly dried pants! So, that was embarrassing. I'm so glad I have good friends who'll bail me out when I do things like that.

So then the next day, I go to get my hairs cut (some call it a "haircut," but I don't think that accurately describes what happens. I mean, seriously- they cut more than one!). I had no cash in my wallet, but I figured "every place accepts debit cards nowadays. Even McDonalds does!" So I wait and wait and as I'm waiting I look suspiciously at their cash register. It's my turn to get my hairs cut and I politely ask "Um... do you take debit cards?" And the hair cutting girl is like "No, we're a little behind the times." I'm like "O... then I guess I have to go find an ATM to get cash, then come back." She's responds, "No, I can give you a haircut now. You've already waited once. If you leave, more people will come and you'll have to wait again." And I'm like "but, uh..." To which, she replied "Don't worry, I know you're a regular here and I trust you to come back with the money. I'll cut your hair now." So I was like "Wow, um... okay." (And yes, I did return to pay her. Even left a larger-than-usual tip because she was so trusting and nice).

So, yah... twice in one week I ran into money problems. Hope this year gets better. Haha. Well, my birthday is in 4 days. Maybe if you sent me a present, that would help. I bet it would.

I own 1 of the 7 deadly sins!

2007-01-06T15:46:00.000-05:00

When I had my Desktop PC, I named it JRTcomputer. When I got my Notebook PC (aka laptop), I named it JRTnotebook. When I had a cell phone, I named it JRTphone. Now, I have a new toy- I named it JRTenV. That's right folks- I got the LG enV, exclusively from Verizon Wireless! Sad news is they couldn't get my Contacts list to transfer, so I have to add all my saved numbers manually. O well. At least the enV has a QWERTY keyboard- makes entering Contact info easier. The top picture is what it looks like open, the picture below that is what it looks like closed.

hairless wonder

2007-01-05T01:21:00.000-05:00

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy,
Was he?

And yes, folks- that is a picture of a hairless bear. You gotta love Google Image search!

new year... new sickness?

2007-01-01T00:01:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I'm not starting the New Year too well. I got sick. I've been in bed all day. And it's seriously not as much fun as it sounds. I feel I need to address some recent comments that were left on my tagboard. Yes, I did buy a new coat, without you. I would love to hurry and get my new phone, however, someone who "controls" the family plan and who needs to be there at time of purchase refuses to come to Verizon quickly. And lastly, I decided to give Old Navy another chance. Now, I never said they were evil, I just said they shrunk the men's section and made it all ugly. To my surprise, they started getting some nice things in again. Maybe there is still hope. (Although, a lot of it is still ugly). Well, hope you're all having a better beginning to the New Year. Happy New Year!

new year, new stuff

2006-12-28T18:57:00.000-05:00

Can't believe we're approaching New Year's already! Christmas has come and gone. By the way, I had a very nice Christmas. Thanx for asking. Can you believe randomosity is almost one whole year old?!?! It seems like I just started this blog. And now, he's all grown up! It all happened so fast... *sniff* Sorry, I'm getting a little emotional. I have plans for randomosity's birthday celebration, which, by the way, happens to be two days after my birthday. So if anyone wants to look in the January 2006 archives to see what day randomosity was born, then subtract two days you can discover my birthday and know when to send me the present you were gonna buy me. You are gonna buy me presents, right? I mean... what kind of friend are you if you don't? Not trying to guilt you into anything. I'm just saying... Speaking of new things, today I purchased a new winter coat from Old Navy. I like it. (I tried to find a picture of it on Oldnavy.com, but they don't have it online). I'm also shopping for a new cell phone. I love Verizon's "new every two" program. Every two years, they offer awesome upgrade deals (because it's cheaper for them to give you a new phone than to provide maintenance/service for your archaic phone). I'm sure other new things will be coming/happening as the New Year approaches and beyond, and randomosity will be around to report such things.

have yourself a merry little christmas

2006-12-25T16:45:00.000-05:00

no ham in my burger

2006-12-14T14:27:00.000-05:00

If you take deer meat and make burger, you call it "venison burger." If you take buffalo meat and make burger, you call it "buffalo burger." So, how come when you take cow meat and make burger, you call it "hamburger?" There's no ham in it! Ham comes from pigs! Am I the only one who thinks this label makes no sense?

I need this product

2006-12-11T20:33:00.000-05:00

I read this. I laughed. A lot. I could really use one of those "Open Highway Facilitators."

'tis the season

2006-12-03T12:58:00.000-05:00

just a friendly reminder:

I didn't mean to kill...

2006-11-24T03:06:00.000-05:00

I was driving home from a friend's house tonight and it was foggy. Visibility was somewhat limited. I was being as cautious as I could be, keeping a keen eye on the short path that was illuminated by my headlights. When, all of a sudden, the fog lifted ever so briefly to reveal a little bunny rabbit hopping accross the road. He saw me- a look of terror was on his little face. I tried to dodge him, he tried to run away. There just wasn't enough time! If only I'd have seen him sooner! Stupid fog! I tried, honestly, I did. Then, I heard the inevitable- thump.